The Park

this blog is about to take an interesting turn.

Yesterday was a wonderful day.  It was the first day back from a wonderful vacation.  I was feeling happy and light and doing just fine at my new job.  They really appreciate me here and it shows. 

I’ve been unemployed for about four days right now and I just got a job offer and will be starting next monday making about fifteen hundred more per year than I was in a more stressful job!

Wow!  That’s all I have to say.

Things are already looking up for the new year. 

So, how you doin’?

I will officially be out of work by the end of the week. 

I will be jobless.

I will have no job.

Akkkk!  What was I thinking?  And my husband has no job too.  Akkkk! 

I’m trying to look at this in a positive way and not freak out but it’s kind of hard when I’ve had eight or so interviews and nothing is good out there. 

Some news of encouragement though is that employment rates are going to get better in the next three months.  So says Manpower, Inc. Survey that says that in Richmond we’re expecting a 30% increase in hiring. 

I’m trying to turn this into a positive but this is really not an easy thing to deal with–especially with a realist husband who insists on shoving every anxiety he has on top of mine and then I start to have the nervous break down thing and he gets miffed because he has no idea how stressed I already am and he’s not realizing that I don’t have an awesome supportive father who will help in time of need (only you honey I’m getting nadda).  So I’m definately freaking out a lot lately but I’ve been going to God more and I think that’s a good thing.

Just stinks that when I’m in need is when I draw closest to God instead of being close to Him all the time.

Please pray for us because I really do feel like I’m going to go Crazy pretty soon.

Parker:  Mommy I’m dead (lies prone on the floor).

Mommy:  Oh no honey I’m sorry are you okay.

Parker:   Yeah, I’m dead.  I fell in the water.

Mommy:  I’ll save you Parker!

Parker:  That’s okay mommy I’m alive now I feel much better.

Aparently I wasn’t playing the game right or something.  I was more than a little disturbed as you might imagine.  My sweet little boy playing dead is not something any mother wants to think of let alone play.  But I can’t controll everything.  I already don’t have a TV  because of all the crap on there.

I would rather get my news from the internet and from NPR, than to go through violent and gory depictions of ‘life’ and be decensitised to their horror.  I love that when I see a cartoon with a gun, I’m disturbed.

Many would say that I’m a wee bit sincitive.  But try going without the tube for even a week and you’ll see a difference.  It’s been two years now and I have no regrets.  I’m not missing out on one darn thing.

The upside is that we as a family get to play more.  Talk.  Read. Imagine. Dream.  Argue.  Whatever it is good or bad at least we’re communicating.  I’m blessed by this experience.  I have found a boost in creativity within myself that I didn’t know was there.  Now, I’ve had about a years worth of writer’s block but that’s mainly because I got married, moved, and started a new job in the same week. 

I’ve been recovering from that and I’m sticking to my story.

But I feel that old tug again to write.  Thus the need to post again on a more reliable service.

Rambling, sorry I know.  I just had to get it out.

Why is it that we feel like we’re failing if we want to take a break from our children?  I think this is a culture fed lie that we have come to believe. 

If we take care of ourselves we will be more productive and more happy mothers and wives.

I just had a small break last night to go watch a film I’ve been wanting to see (it didn’t hurt that it had Hugh Jackman and Christian Bale in it — h u b b a h u b b a) and today I feel recharged.  Sure, I miss my little-man of course but you know what?  I am able to be a more sane mother for him and for my husband.

I won’t be able to explain what happened yesterday to the full extent for fear of getting ‘dooced’ but lets just say it’s been a hard six months and an even harder last three weeks.

Let me say one other thing — Karli, girl you rock don’t be so hard on yourself. 

I’ve noticed these things are passed down generationally.  Have you heard of the the generational curses?  Well, lets break some of these ‘curses’ for our children’s sake.  Allowing ourselves a break will empower our little ones to take guilt free breaks for themselves when they become mothers, and in turn their daughters. . . get the drift.  Let’s begin some generational blessings to our children.

Needless to say — I’m feeling really healthy these days and it’s crazy because there’s less light and I’m such a creature of light.  My need for light and beautiful days is directly connected with mental well-being and yet now.  It’s like I’m okay all the time.

God is so good.

Update:  I handed in my two week notice today — I had a ‘last straw’ moment and my husband (God bless him) gave the go ahead to get on out of Dodge.  So guess what I’ll be doing for the next few weeks? Hunting. 

Lord what have I done?

I’ve decided that I’m through with Blogger Beta!  I just can’t stand it any more.  So I’ve simplified (as you can see) and decided to take a step in another direction. 

I’ll be making some changes and posting more I hope.  So we’ll see what happens.

Oh by the way my archives will stay with my blogger site until I can find a way to move them over here.

I hope that we can get to know each other better and start fresh.

(Mush Mush Mush I had to get a post up so the blog wouldn’t look so naked–I know I know Sorry!)